Waiting for Orange Arrows

For once the title is not in any exaggerated or figurative. I am actually waiting for orange arrows. Twelve of them, to be precise, to be printed off of the color ink-jet printer.

It's 8:01 pm on the eve of the Annual Meeting.

I have name tags ready, with little blue stickers to mark the VIPs. I have copies of speeches, copies of the annotated agenda, copies of the guest list, and copies of the copies of the speeches.

I have "Jen's Master Plan" folder which will be guarded by a squad of highly trained assassins. No one will get near it. It will not get lost.

I have my outfit for tomorrow mentally laid out. I hope I have clean underwear (and should I wear a specific pair for good luck? If so, which pair? The penguins? The striped ones? And why is it called a "pair" when it is only a single item?)

What if I sleep in?

What if the T breaks down?

What if the coat racks aren't delivered on time? Actually, wait, I'm not worried about the coat racks. I'm sorry, people, but I don't see why you can't hang your coat on the back of the chair like everyone else. When you donate a million dollars, I'll carry your coat around personally. I'll even have it pressed. But until then, suck it up.

But we do have coat racks. Our wonder-intern got them for us. She also got us easels! Hooray for easels. We can now display our marketing crap proudly. Rock on.

At one point today I was in such a tither that I had on two different shoes and a post-it note stuck to my pants.

The arrows are still printing. It's 8:09pm. I'm hungry and tired, and yet I can't keep my foot from tapping. I have nothing to eat at home that won't take effort to make. I'll have to get take out--again. I can't afford take out and it's going to ruin my diet! But I'm hungry and tired and anything at home would take a good half-an-hour to make. By then it'll be like 10:00pm. Screw it. I'm getting pizza.

Hurry up, arrows! Why did a certain person have to demand that they were in color? I know that it's a good idea and makes perfect sense because they're more visible and eye-catching, but I didn't get around to making them until now! (whine, whine, whine)

I have name tags for 70 people, and they're going to wear them and they're going to like it, damn it. I will brook no complaints, especially from my co-workers.

I will be the Annual Meeting "nazi", and I don't care. It's my "show" and I want it to go perfectly!

It's 8:11pm. The arrows are still prin--ooh, they're done!

Oh, merde. I just realized we need some heavy-duty twine to hang up our vinyl banner. Where the hell am I going to get twine at 8:13pm?! Maybe I could have volunteer just hold up the banner... I know at least one really shy staff person who wouldn't mind hiding behind it.

I have lots of yarn at home.... but that wouldn't look very good. What about duct tape? (Nothing says class like duct tape.) I must have some of that...

It's 8:20 pm. I've searched the entire office, including other people's desks. I found a cross-stitch kit from 1978 (if I'm reading my roman numerals correctly) but no duct tape.

OK, I give up. My head has that fuzzy "you've been thinking too hard for too long" feeling. I need to pack up and go home.

Fingers crossed...